I stopped counting sheep and started counting peace.

It’s been a while since my last post and I’ve been wondering if I had writer’s block or if I just didn’t have anything to write about… but as a writer how can I ever run out of things to write. I mean I have new ideas pretty much every day.

I had to really ask myself what I’m looking for and I found that it was peace. Sometimes I’m searching for peace in my belongings but that wouldn’t make any sense. Then I look for peace in my friends or family and sometimes maybe even my lack of love… but yet again that wouldn’t give me much peace (as much as I love them of course). So, I went on a walk and was talking to God and yes while that will ALWAYS give me peace, I found even more peace when I started realising that the peace I’m searching for is within me and not anywhere else.

Peace is one of those things that you wish you could buy off Amazon and have it come early on a next day delivery. Maybe peace comes randomly on a summer night, somewhere in the middle of Paris or peace might even be described as one of those exciting summer flings people have. Maybe peace is even found in a slice of pizza.. who knows.

My peace is all over the place right now and I’m finding outlets on how to bring it whole. I enjoy the comfort of the gym and the laughs of my nephew when he wants me to play the floor is lava for the 100th time. I enjoy reading my books, which currently right now I’m reading ‘Darling Daffodils Farm’ by Brittanee Nicole. Plus I love pretending we have a home cinema built in our house and I’d switch off all the lights and tune into Disney+ or Netflix.

 Yet there’s still so much for me to find.

I don’t know how far the peace I’m looking for lies and just where it is I’ll find it and knowing that it’s within myself I’m thinking how can I draw it to the surface. Sometimes it feels like I am standing in the middle of a quiet place yet I can’t hear the quiet because my own thoughts are so loud. I know that peace is not something that lives far away from me (really it could be up the road). It is somewhere inside of my own heart but yet reaching it can feel like trying to see clearly through your own tears.

I think my mind is clouded with so many to do lists and let’s not forget the constant need to excel and succeed that’s driving me insane. Every day there seems to be something else that needs doing, something else that needs fixing and something else that tells me I should be doing more or becoming more.

I didn’t believe searching for peace could be this difficult for me. I used to think peace was something simple something that would come naturally if I just slowed down for a moment or even if I found joy in something that I am doing. Yet the more I look for it, the more I realise how much noise I have been carrying inside me. 

However trust me when I say this…. something I do know, is that when I find that peace however it comes to me (or when)… I’m going to enjoy it with a large cup of hot chocolate and sink deep into the sofa in front of a Queen Latifah movie. Nothing deep just honesty and that I’ve told you for free.

How do you gain peace? Drop me a comment let’s hear it! – Ak